Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
