she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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