dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I only lived at night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize