No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
