she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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