Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
