i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
