I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
