i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
