Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
