life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
