I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
