What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
