Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
