Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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