She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
