Im at strip club and am horny
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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