I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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