There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
