in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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