I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
