Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
