Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
