I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
