We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
