Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
