sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
