I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
