i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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