you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize