there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm jealous of your bromance
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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