the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
