Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
