dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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