OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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