4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
40s are totally the cure
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
