hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
