Me. At least after what I've been through.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MIDGETS
????
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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