Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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