So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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