If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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