Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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