Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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