how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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