So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
