my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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