you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
