.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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