He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
