Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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