I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
