I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize