my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
