I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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