i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
