i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
