Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
