He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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