yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
