dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
