dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
