Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
