hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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