When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
