we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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